Misconception

Many people have asked me the following in many different words; 

"How can a Chinese birthmother just abandon a daughter in such a cold and unfeeling way?" 

"Why do Chinese people just give babies away?"

I am not a self proclaimed expert, but as I look around me, I see a culture of people who clearly love and treasure their children. I have seen this in Hong Kong, Shenzen, Guilin, Liuzhou, Nanning, and Guangzhou; in parks, on buses, on trains. It is in the eyes and smiles of the people out walking with their babies in the park. 

China is a country of 1.3 billion people. 

How did the population explosion occur? 

Years ago having many children was considered an honor, 

and the more children a woman had, 

the more blessings that family had. 

In those times women were given awards for bearing the most children. 

The government encouraged large families.

Today it is evident that this same feeling prevails here, 

children are blessings and are to be cherished. I have seen this for myself.

The government imposed a one child policy as an answer to the problem they created; it was not a choice but a decision by the Chinese government. A Chinese birthparent does not choose to abandon a daughter or a son without feeling the same anguish any other birthparent would feel anywhere else in the world. Abandoning a child is often times the only way to save that child's life, a chance to receive medical care if the child is sick. A farmer's wife might give birth to a daughter, however, because of the one child policy that farmer might need a son. A son will be able to take care of that farmer as he ages; a son will provide for his parents and tend to the farm. In his heart, a daughter is just as much of a blessing to that farmer, but the one child policy has made it impossible to keep her. 

The one child policy will mean strict fines for a second child, 

fines the farmer cannot afford to pay. 

Right now, in China, as a result of the one child policy, 

there is said to be 8 men of marrying age to every 1 woman of marrying age; 

an 8 to 1 ratio. 

There is a shortage of girls here, created by the one child policy.

What will the next policy be?

This is a beautiful culture where the very young as well as the very old are treasured. Families take care of each other; the younger generation takes care of their aging parents. There is honor and respect. People you have just met on the street treat you with the same consideration as if you are a close friend, and expect the same respect and honesty in return. The other day as I was running after all three kids in our hotel lobby and I dropped one of Sasha's socks. The concierge chased me all over the hotel to find me and return the sock. 

All for one sock! 

I can only comment on what I see and am experiencing. 

When I hold Sasha Tian Tian and rock her to sleep at night, 

questions that will never be answered run circles around my mind, 

questions I know she will also have herself one day. 

I will be able to tell her that when I came to bring her home from China, 

I could see all around me how much love Chinese people have for their children; 

therefore I know she must have been loved too.

It could not have been any other way.

Thoughts to reflect on.